I Miss You

Hey My Dexter,

It’s been 2 years, how have you been? For the last 3 months I kept wanting to write you something, but never worked up the courage. Perhaps because I haven’t done anything I’m proud of since the last time we spoke, so just a little hesitant…

A lot happened at my end. Changed my job again – nothing exciting though. Went from 1 meaningless job to another meaningless job. You know, a job that makes no impact on the real world, just a lot people pretending to be very important by walking very fast, so they can justify their pointless existence and paycheck.

Then more relationship failures as I continue to figure out what I really need. Or when I finally find someone I fall head over heels for, I drown myself in self-doubts until I scare myself out of the relationship.

So, haven’t really moved on much since we last bid our goodbyes.

And I think of you. I tend to think of you when I hit the low points. I blame it on our Italy trip. In those short few days, I felt safe, unjudged and comfortable. I didn’t need to be apologetic for who I am. So I started associating you as my shelter. It’s been pretty ugly in the last couple of months. My brother moved back to Hong Kong. For the first time in ages I feel truly alone. The feeling is overwhelming; tears start clouding my eyes for no reason.

Then I try to think of happy things; people I have in my life that make me feel loved.

I was looking at the photos and the birthday CD you made me. Finally worked up the courage to write you something. I am so grateful to have you in my life; even more grateful for the beautiful memories you leave me. Remember I said I’m more like Dex than Em? I will pick up myself up though – won’t let you down.

Your Emma

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